Stubborn Friends: Dr. Gabor Maté's The Myth of Normal

“Once I was young, once I was smart. Now I’m living on the edge of my nerves.”

The Art of Parties - Japan

I have lived on the edge of my nerves. Perhaps I still do. The question I have started to ask myself is: why?

Dr. Gabor Maté, a world-renowned expert in areas such as addiction and trauma, has plenty of suggestions as to why.

His latest book, The Myth of Normal, provides compelling evidence that our environment produces a society riddled with mental illness, among other chronic conditions.

His research led me to pause and reflect on my own environment, London, and write down daily experiences that cause my stress:

• The bombardment of adverts, seemingly filling every square inch and pixel. When I look up from my seat on the train, I want to see nothing. My attention is not wanting to be grabbed.
• As a mixed-race White and Black African, the background hum of suspicion and discrimination continually grates and erodes my soul.
• I’m perturbed by the level of uniformity when I walk across London Bridge. I wonder to myself that it can’t be true that everyone’s authentic self produces the same wardrobe.

Perhaps that’s why I can feel my nerves.

I was introduced to the wondrous, warm and gentle words of Dr. Maté by my GP when I struggled with anxiety and depression.

I uber resonated with When the Body Says No, specifically the idea that stress leaves its mark. That led me to start the following inquiry of Mark: what trauma has left a mark on you?

The Myth of Normal has moved me to unexpected places that were previously unseen and hazy. These are places where I can gather and converse with, as Dr. Maté defines it, my stubborn friends ¹.

Stubborn friends are our inner demons - guilt, self-loathing, shame to name a few - that persist long after they entered our lives. They once had a purpose to help soothe our pain, but they impede our ability to heal.

As Dr. Maté describes it, an essential part of the healing process is when we start to acknowledge these torments, however difficult they may be to explore.

When I first encountered my nerves, they were often tense and oddly excitable. But after exploring them, they are more likely to be relaxed and at ease.

Dr. Maté has provided me with vocabulary and the nous to begin exploring my experiences in a compassionate way. These days, I am working with my anxiety and depression.

I would highly recommend that you explore Gabor - you never know what you might find out about yourself.

Bibliography:

• Mate, Gabor. (2022) The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture.
• Mate, Gabor. (2003) When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress.

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